Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant

Oh, to have yet another vampire film to grace the presence of our ever-multiplying library of the vampire genre is so… entertaining yet taxing in one fell swoop. Being somewhat of a vampire connoisseur, it is obvious that some elements of Bram Stoker’s initial vampire is still present in creating “The Vampire’s Assistant,” but it is exasperating that Hollywood and writers always seem to take their liberties with adding or subtracting the restrictions and powers of the vampire in whatever situation they see fit.

Darren Shan, author of the Cirque du Freak series, made himself the hero of his own novel series. Darren, played by Chris Massoglia in the film, is the vampire’s assistant who, in life, is perfect – the perfect kid, the perfect friend, the perfect student, you name it. He is friends with the popular kids, he gets A’s in school, he lives in the suburbs with his middle to upper-class parents, making up the two and half average family to a “T.” Darren’s best friend Steve, played by Josh Hutcherson, on the other hand, doesn’t have it so easy. Steve grew up without a father and his mother is an alcoholic, making his day-to-day just short of ideal. His only real drive for life is stirring up trouble with his “perfect” best friend and dreaming about his passion – vampires. While Steve wishes that vampires were real so that he could channel his anger and satiate his blood lust in order to strike back at the atrocities his life has already undertaken, Darren is ruled by his parents’ wishes. One night, after already being grounded for doing something stupid with Steve, Darren sneaks out for the one-time-only showing of the Cirque du Freak. The graphics were absolutely amazing in depicting the wolf man, the woman who could regenerate her limbs, the Kafka-inspired hunger artist, the two-bellied man, the reptilian boy, the lethal spider and the bearded fortune teller (who interestingly is played by Selma Hayek). After the show comes to a sudden halt because of the commotion raised by the enraged, narrow-minded townspeople, Darren (who has a queer fascination with spiders) decides to steal the vampire’s pet spider. In seeking out the tarantula, Darren overhears his best friend’s plea to the vampire to make him a member of the undead. The vampire, Larten Crepsley, played by John C. Reilly, refuses and sends him on his way. In a series of sudden events, Crepsley decides to make Darren into a “half-vampire,” leaving Steve insanely jealous that with Darren’s already-perfect life, he now is fulfilling Steve’s dream of becoming a vampire too. With this, Darren must say goodbye to his old life and embrace a new, half-human existence as well as endure the wrath of his best friend.

Looking at the previews for this movie, I was a little put off by the fact that John C. Reilly was the main vampire in the film. A vampire, as seen via literature and film, is a suave, charismatic, gorgeous being that is both smooth in his approach but lethal in his attack. Reilly, in no way, is someone I would describe as suave, charismatic or gorgeous, but I do have to say that he played a pretty good heart-felt vampire. He didn’t pop out any ridiculous lines which would be typical in his usual movies and he actually conducted himself in a way that made him believable. I was pleasantly surprised.

Being a future teacher and potential future parent, it really irritated me how the teachers and adults were portrayed in this movie. It is as if the message being sent is: all adults are ignorant, close-minded idiots who care nothing of diversity or of their kids’ future; the only thing they do care about is enforcing their self-motivated rules and regulations in order to pigeonhole their kids into socially-accepted, monotonous, consumer-driven lives.

Darren and Steve’s teacher infuriated me because we, as teachers (or future teacher in my case), are taught to embrace new ideas and concepts in order to aid the growth of students. Their teacher ridicules the two boys for even mulling over the idea of going to the Cirque du Freak and, when breaking up the show later on, does so because he “is standing against the exploitation of these freaks” when, in reality, he is just too insular to think that freaks are people too, not just the trash you need to sweep out of the town.

Darren’s parents show little to no concern for what Darren wants in life and continually force their own wills on him, expecting perfection at every turn. Darren, not wanting to upset his parents, is ruled by the choices they make for him. The motto in the family is “college, job, family.” Therefore if Darren acts out or strays from the “perfect” path that his parents created for him, then he may not achieve true, American-style bliss: to attend college, get a job and have a family. Now, I’m not trying to say that parents shouldn’t instill values in their children that push toward their overall happiness and success, but the way in which Darren’s parents conduct themselves suggests that nothing is more important than having a “successful” son in a world full of corrupt kids who are, in our day and age, followed by a sea of disappointed parents. Therefore, Darren’s direct opposition to his parents’ and his teacher’s wishes show that to discover happiness is to free yourself from the dictation of others and decide for yourself what will make you happy in life.

Overall, I was really impressed with “The Vampire’s Assistant.” I think the film was colorful, fun and definitely entertaining. Josh Hutcherson especially did a great job of developing his character and fully embodying the evil, enraged, envy-driven best friend. In part, I am glad that I have not read the book series by Darren Shan because I always seem to walk out of the theatre disappointed that Hollywood couldn’t live up to my high expectations which I constructed on my read-through. So, with that in mind, I would recommend you to check out the Cirque du Freak; you never know what you may find.

Couples Retreat

I’ve heard a lot of mixed feelings about “Couples Retreat.” Either people loved it and thought it was hilarious or they just hated it. I’d have to say that yea, there were entertaining moments, but the film itself was pretty forgettable. I am, once again, just unimpressed and can’t say that the movie was awful but it really wasn’t good either. Frankly, it was just mediocre.

“Couples Retreat” is about four couples who go on a therapy retreat disguised as a mini-vacation. Dave and Ronnie, played by Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman, are a cute married couple with two kids and the average go-go-go lifestyle. OCD perfectionist Jason, played by Jason Bateman, is married to Cynthia, played by Kirsten Bell. Jason and Cynthia thrive on control and order and when they fail in conceiving a child after multiple attempts, their relationship is strained, leaving Cynthia fed up and Jason seeking abstract ways to control the situation. Joey, played by John Favreau, and Lucy, played by Kristen Davis, are spitefully unfaithful high school sweethearts who got pregnant just before graduating high school. They both look at their marriage as a union that only lasts so long as their obligation holds them – a.k.a when their daughter graduates and moves out, they’re splitting up. Lastly, Shane, played by Faizon Love, has recently got a divorce from his wife Jennifer after she walked out on him. In his grief, he begins dating a twenty-year-old teeny-bopper Trudy, played by Kali Hawk, who is sucking Shane’s already-limited finances dry while pushing him to the max on the twenty-something scene of booze and partying. At this island, the couples are confronted with a maniacal relationship master, shark encounters, and a Fabio-like yoga instructor in skimpy speedos which either strengthens their relationships or drives them further apart.

Obviously each of the couples has their quirks and dysfunctional tendencies which makes the film entertaining but infuriating at the same time. There are a few of the people in these relationships where the individualistic, modern feminist in me screams, “Why are you still putting up with him?!” Don’t get me wrong, some of the girls were irritating too, not just the guys – but there is a point where enough is enough and it seems like when a relationship is obviously over and all that is keeping it together is a small strand of a relational title, then it is time to throw in the towel and move on to the next chapter in your life. I think that a lot of times comedies have Shakespearitis in the fact that they feel like they need to tie up all the loose ends – no matter how absurd or unrealistic – with a nice big ribbon on it.

You know what I don’t understand? Vince Vaughn. He doesn’t seem to be a very progressive actor at all. He seems to play the exact same character in every role he’s in. Isn’t the point of acting to prove that you are talented enough to take on versatile roles spanning all genres? If that isn’t the point of acting, then why would talented actors like Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal and Robin Williams choose homosexual roles when that isn’t their sexual preference? From my perspective, it seems that seasoned actors enter a genre, conquer it and move on to a more challenging one, resulting in a well-rounded portfolio at the end of their career. What does Vince Vaughn have to show for his acting diversity? He doesn’t! He is always the witty goofball who always has a snide comeback in his arsenal which seems like his personality in real life. If that’s the case, all he has to do is be himself in different on-set situations. Should we then – those of you who like Vince Vaughn – be glorifying a man who doesn’t even put an effort into his job? I know I’d like to see him step up to the plate and take on a role that he hasn’t done before; it’d be epic. On another interesting note, I think it’s funny that all four women are absolutely gorgeous and they’re married to men who, well, aren’t so gorgeous. That just doesn’t seem fair. Couldn’t we girls get a little eye candy too?

In our world of crisis, where jobs are hard to come by, the economy is slipping and divorce rates are sky high, there is one profession that is blooming – Psychologists. Being a therapist seems to be a very lucrative profession nowadays considering so many people go to couples therapy in order to sit down, talk out your problems and then be analyzed and diagnosed in how their relationship should be fixed – or worse how you should be fixed. I think it’s funny that we in our society put the fate of our relationships in the hands of an objective observer so that we may get their professional opinion on how bad or good we’re doing in our lives. This is somewhat of a parody in “Couples Retreat” where all of the therapists ask the bromidic question, “And how does that make you feel?” Some of the psychologists conducting the sessions for the couples seemed ludicrous in their diagnoses and shed more doubt than they did encouragement.

Probably the best part of this movie is Malin Akerman and Vince Vaughn’s little boy who steals the show with his cute little comments and his naively adorable mistakes. Though this little cutie doesn’t have a lot of screen time, I think he is the funniest attribute to this movie when he spends the majority of his time in home appliance stores practicing his potty training skills. Moral: Try to help your kids differentiate between a bathroom toilet and an on-display toilet; otherwise store clerks will hate you forever. In sum, “Couples Retreat” had a few good parts, a few bad parts and a few ugly parts, but all in all, the film was just stream-line. It is forgettable and has no real thought-provoking morals or lessons which anyone can take away and put to use in their own lives. If you’re a Vince Vaughn fan, you’ll probably like this one because he doesn’t change one bit – which is probably why you like him. But really, “Couples Retreat” fails to impress.

Whip It!

Well, Ellen Page does it again. She is by far one of the most talented actresses I’ve seen in a long time. Give her whatever role you want – comedy, drama, chick flick, suspense, horror – she can do it, and do it flawlessly.

Page plays Bliss, a misunderstood, awkward teenager who resides in ho-dunk town Bodeen, Texas where she spends her time serving “squealers” at the local diner and reluctantly participating in local beauty pageants. She doesn’t fit in with the rest of the pageant girls and is under relentless scrutiny from her mother who can’t seem to understand why Bliss does not derive the same enjoyment that she did from the pageants of her youth. Bliss seems to be floating on a sea of indifference, attempting to please her mother and gain her approval but all the while feeling a sense of emptiness at the lack of passion in her life.

This all changes when introverted Bliss comes across a roller derby flyer which her and her friend Pash sneak out to go watch. Seeing the intensity and the freedom of the unrestricted world of roller derby, Bliss has finally found her calling. She decides to try out for the vacant position on the Hurl Scout team. Because of her speed and agility, Bliss is easily chosen as the “quarterback” of derby skating. The initiation of roller derby requires a prodigious game name. With other team members choosing names like “Smashley Simpson,” “Dinah Might,” “Maggie Mayhem,” “Malice in Wonderland,” “Bloody Holly” and “Rosa Sparks,” Bliss is bequeathed the name “Babe Ruthless.”

As Bliss lives out her act of rebellion against her mother’s beauty pageants, she falls more in love with roller derby. She has finally found something that she was meant to do, that makes her feel truly alive, unique and happy. In the course of Bliss’s transformation, she leaves behind the quiet, lugubrious girl and forges ahead as a girl with attitude, with a passion for life and charisma she never embodied before. She finds what makes her spirit fly and she runs with it, regardless of what anyone thinks – and for once she stops trying to please everyone else and be true to who she is and what she wants. I wish it came so easy to all of us.

Now, I know a lot of people have generated some animosity towards Drew Barrymore, but you have to give her this one; she knows how direct a five-star movie. Though Barrymore does have a cameo in the film as “Smashley Simpson” of the “Hurl Scouts” roller derby team, she by no means is taking center stage and actually does a really great job of being a psychotically loveable character. Smashley is the most “bad ass” of the group, when her only time on-screen is spent throwing elbows on the track, starting brawls with the competing derby girls, mauling her fiancé or bleeding from her perpetually-fresh wounds, all of which is equally entertaining.

I love that “Whip It!” isn’t just a happily ever after, as is typical in Shakespearean comedies, chick flicks and Disney films. Rather “Whip It!” is more realistic in the fact that sometimes relationships aren’t meant to work out. Sometimes it’s just a fact that you’re dating a jerk and you just shouldn’t be with that guy. So many girls fall victim to a guy’s weakly-constructed excuses and ultimately, they choose to ignore the obvious facts that scream out that that one guy who seems so great is frankly just no good for you. Yet what we typically want to see on the big screen is a relationship to work out – for a guy to change and conform to be the perfectly-reformed boyfriend. But that barely ever happens in real life. Bliss, like a truly self-confident feminist, would not stand for a boy’s bull; she tells a guy what’s what even though it hurts to leave but would hurt even more to stay. There are many life lessons that can be learned from Bliss, like” “Be an individual,” “Stand up for yourself,” “Find what makes you, you” and “Have enough self-respect to know when enough is enough.”

After seeing the advertisements for “Whip It!,” I figured that a roller derby movie would be about as interesting as – well a roller skating movie – dull, typical and forgettable. But where there is Ellen Page, nothing can be forgettable. I love the message that the film sends: Finding something you love will make you feel alive, helping you appreciate every moment. “Whip It!” is definitely worth seeing in theatres; it’s heart-felt, moving, fun and inspirational with a realistic touch. Who needs another unrealistic romantic comedy? Give me the potential of a contented reality any day!

The Invention of Lying

Once upon a time in a place far, far from our crime-ridden world of deception, there was a land where every human being was unable to tell a lie. In this land, everyone said exactly what was on their mind. Men, if you’re guilty of complaining about what is really on a woman’s mind, women in this world never miss a beat on telling you forthright what she is thinking. Also in this world, everyone falls in line nicely because they all have no hopes for the future and willingly accept their drudgingly mediocre lives. Wow, isn’t that just a romanticized fairy tale you want to jump right into? Because after watching “The Invention of Lying,” I don’t think I would ever willingly choose to live in a world without fabrication and imagination; give me a world full of lies any day. And if this hypothetical place that is depicted had any correlative aspects to a true world, it would be a place of boredom and blatant scrutiny.

Ricky Gervais plays Mark Bellison who, as we are incessantly told, is chubby and snub-nosed. In this world without lies, it is understood that every person has their place. Beautiful women can only be with gorgeous men because it is the only logical choice when considering procreation and constructing the most aesthetically beautiful and physically elite children. It is Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” to the max when Mark’s egotistical, ostentatious rival Brad Kessler, played by Rob Lowe, is obviously a better match for Jennifer Garner’s character Anna while Mark is most definitely mismatched with Anna considering she is way out of his league. This fact is reiterated when she and everyone else who knows Mark continuously reminds him of how much of a fat loser he is. It is interesting to note that it is just acceptable to treat everyone like trash and, in return, no one takes offense to what is said. I know if I were told I was a fat, ugly loser, I would definitely be offended. Talk about a confidence booster.

It seems that people in this world without lies not only are obligated to tell the truth, but takes it a step further when they blatantly spurt out anything and everything that is on their mind. It is as if everyone in this film has tourettes with their lack of tact and callous aloofness. Also, it is common with people like Anna and Brad to be shallow and narcissistic when they are always socially fortified in devaluing people who don’t physically look like they do – people like Mark.

But everything changes when Mark becomes enlightened and decides to consciously deny the norm and formulate a fictitious truth – in other words, the birth of the first lie. Mark feels like a genius and uses his new-found ability to get ahead in the world. With lie after lie, Mark becomes rich and famous in hopes that his status will change the way Anna perceives his mate eligibility. While Mark makes many people happy when learning that “A little white lie never hurt anyone,” he also learns that a silver tongue will inevitably get you in to trouble when he tells his mother on her death bed that there is life after death. In his attempts to put his mother at ease when she is frightened to enter a world of nothingness after death, he tells her that she will actually enter a world of joy, where she will be in her favorite place, living in a mansion and will be surrounded by all those who she loved in life. Essentially Mark “lies” about heaven. With this information, the nurses and doctors overhear this new-found knowledge which no one has ever heard before and spread it to the world. Obviously Mark is bombarded with questions which Mark then decides to answer with ten more “lies.” He essentially invents theology, suggesting that Christianity – or religion in general – is based solely on the fabrication of those who have the charisma to persuade the masses. It’s a little unnerving how “The Invention of Lying” has twisted religion into a satirical mass of fiction – ultimately suggesting that it is ridiculous to put your faith in something that is based off of the imagination of man.

Ultimately, “The Invention of Lying” was dull and repetitive. The blatant rudeness was overdone and the narcissistic people only focusing on appearance and nothing else was aggravating. The fact that everyone was shallow and directionless was irritating and the issue of religion grates on the nerves rather than amuses or enlightens – if that was indeed the purpose. In sum, “The Invention of Lying” is an abhorrent vexation which affords a few laughs but not nearly enough to make it worth the watch.

"Surrogates": a Miscarried Rehash

Well, it’s been there, done that with “Surrogates.” This film proves that Hollywood truly is running out of ideas for new blockbuster hits. Putting a slight twist on a movie based off of one or more other films does not necessarily make it “unique” – rather it makes it a cheap knockoff of an award-winning idea reincarnated in a crappy, second-hand shell. “Surrogates” not only stole the main idea of one film, but of six that I could tell. “I, Robot” definitely dominated the main idea of “Surrogates” in that robots are created for the convenience of humans, but how far is too far when the machines take over? This movie also borrowed the futuristic elements of the “Terminator” series, “The Matrix,” “Wall-e,” “Gamer,” and “Minority Report.” I mean, what ideas didn’t “Surrogates” steal from another movie?! It was just a great big overlap of six great movies, making this one extraordinarily average.

Bruce Willis plays Tom Greer, a FBI agent who, like most of America, has chosen to possess and control a surrogate. As the movie begins it gives a run-down of surrogates and their purposes. Surrogates were created to decrease crime rates while giving people with mobility issues/disabilities an opportunity to control a replica of themselves so that they can enjoy a “normal” life by having their surrogate face the world in their place. The surrogates are also one of the safest solutions in protecting one’s self because as the real person is in the safety of their own home controlling their surrogate’s movements via mind power connected with latest technology, the surrogates are ultimately living for them in their place. That way if your surrogate gets hit by a bus or shot in a bank robbery, you won’t die; your surrogate will just need to be repaired.

Also, just as the controllers in “Gamer” had the ability to take over any character of their choosing, the surrogates can come in any size, shape, or race that the person decides. In promotion of surrogates, a news broadcaster claimed that the creation of surrogates depleted racial discrimination because each person has a choice to have their surrogate resemble one’s true self or choose an entirely different identity. In seeing the how people want to appear to the world, it was obvious that our societal influences played a large role in the fact that all women were thin, bomb-shell gorgeous and flaunted their sex appeal. Likewise, men like Bruce Willis transformed their surrogates into ravishing men by taking off their wrinkles, their age spots, their beer bellies and eliminating years off of their appearances.

But as time goes on and more people have taken on a surrogate identity while wasting away with age, paleness, and immobility within the confines of their dark, dreary bedrooms, there was – as there always is – a rebellion of people who resist the abdication of their bodies to a robot. I would like to think that I would have been – hypothetically – one of those in the rebellion, fighting for humanity and resisting the technological advances that take away more freedoms than the government claims they provide.

So, is this film another commentary on how technology is slowly but surely consuming our lives and our freedoms? Is it a warning against an oppressive future for which we are the instigators? Perhaps it’s a bit of both. In any case, “Surrogates” entertains and conveys its message clearly but falls short in the originality department. I’d say it’s a no-go for surrogacy.

Gamer

I would have to say that I was somewhat surprised that “Gamer” was a decent movie. Though it definitely wasn’t the best I’ve seen thus far this school year, it did have some great performances, fantastic satirical elements commenting on our technologically-revolving world and draws from many stories/movies/ideas/videogames which we are all familiar with.

First of all, I love seeing Gerard Butler in anything! Since his roles in “300,” “P.S. I Love you,” “Timeline,” “Lara Croft: The Cradle of Life” and “The Ugly Truth,” Gerard Butler has my stamp of approval. He can take any masculine role and hit it out of the ballpark, hands down. “Gamer” is no exception. Butler plays a man’s man, Kable, who fights for justice, truth and loyalty when he tries to play his way out of a corrupt jail sentence. By participating in “Slayers,” the virtually-controlled game that allows video game players to feel the adrenaline rush of being a soldier on a battle field from the safety of their own home, prisoners like Kable are guaranteed a cleared name and a dropped jail sentence if they just survive thirty games. Easier said than done though when the prisoners have to hand over all control to whoever is behind their game controller.

Other memorable characters in “Gamer” are Michael C. Hall, star of TV show “Dexter,” and Ludacris. Hall plays Ken Castle, evil mastermind who, with silver tongue, tries to slowly but surely take over the world. Ludacris plays a Humanz brother who is the leader of an underground group who are trying to maintain their humanity and defeat Castle at his game before the whole world falls under his control.

Though “Gamer” had a plot nearly identical to that of “Death Race,” “Condemned” and “Running Man,” it had one streaming element that those other three didn’t: satire. “Gamer” was packed full of satire, commenting on humanity’s emergence into the realm of this technological revolution that we all find ourselves in today. Blatantly, its message is that we’re drowning and being consumed by technology by our allowing it to take over our freedoms and suck us dry of our values, while justifying it all the while with “this is the day in age we live in.” Though the message is loud and clear that we are headed down a road of predisposed mind-control, the film is constructed in a way that satire oozes from the cracks, bestowing its message and leaving its mark just about as heavily as Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.” Though having impoverished people sell their children for food would solve economic distress, as Swift suggests, it is not plausible or even rational to consider the sale of children with the intention of being sold into cannibalism, just as it is not rational to get rid of all of our technological devices so that we do not someday become a slave to them.

I also think “Gamer,” like the other movies mentioned with similar plots, comments on what people find “entertaining” nowadays. Watching people fighting for their lives and their basic freedoms by getting onto a battlefield only to be led to their deaths so that it can serve as cheap entertainment to the world is very sick and twisted. Reality TV is coming to a point where the shock value has to rise in order to keep their viewers. “Gamer” suggests that it has to raise so much so that the ferocity of human survival has to be the name of the game in order for people to stop, watch and be entertained.

“Gamer” not only drew from the three aforementioned movies in their content, but also stole ideas and themes from George Orwell’s “1984,” PC game “Sims 2,” and clearly resembled video game “Gears of War.”

Hinting at the satirical elements and resemblances of people and/or things we are all familiar with, Ken Castle resembles Hitler in many ways. For instance, Castle utilizes the appeal of new technology in a computer-thriving world to manipulate the population into giving over their God-given rights in order to “slip out” of their seemingly monotonous lives and hand over complete control. Likewise, Hitler continuously used his powers of manipulation by generating the masses through his charismatic power of words, thereby establishing an enormous following to carry out heinous tasks. Castle embodies Hitler’s lack of humanity and his silver tongue flawlessly.

Though you’ve probably seen a dozen films like “Gamer,” the movie did have several positive attributes that may appeal to many. With an all-star cast and a wicked take on satire in our evolving generation, I would say that “Gamer” is worth watching. Maybe just wait for it on DVD.

Profundity Abounds in "500 Days of Summer"

“This is not a love story. This is a story about love.” The tagline for “500 Days of Summer” sums up this film perfectly. This isn’t your typical love story where the world revolves around the idealistic version of love where boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love and they live happily ever after. Close, but no cigar. This movie is about love – not the perfectly romantic cheesy depiction of a love that seems unrealistic but fantastic in the same turn – but more the love that many of us average everyday people experience.

The way in which the tale is told is fantastic; the story bounces from past and present tense depending on which day the relationship of Tom, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, is on with girlfriend Summer, played by Zooey Deschanel. The first scene opens up on day 488 where Summer and Tom are sitting on a park bench, hand-in-wedded-ringed-hand. To catch everyone up to this day in the park, the film reverts back to day one where Tom, a greeting card designer, meets Summer, the new office secretary. Their relationship is much like the typical romance – the beginning is all butterflies and daisies as Tom tries his darndest to get Summer’s attention and eventually wins her over. But then, the scene changes; it fast forwards to later in Tom and Summer’s relationship where the clouds are hovering and Tom feels like he has to pry the steak knife out of his back. The scenes alternate between the beginning of the relationship moving toward day 500, but never missing a beat in filling in the gaps of why the buds are blooming or why they seem to be wilting between Tom and Summer.

One stylistic element that I really liked was when the day counter informed the audience of what day Tom and Summer’s relationship was on through the depictions of a graphic tree. If the day was a happy one for Tom and Summer – like those in the beginning of their relationship – the tree was flowering with green and the sun was shining and you knew that all was going to be happy. On the other hand, if the day was say a little ways into the relationship like day 346, then the tree may have been barren, losing all of its color and the gloom seemed to settle over this poor little graphic tree; you can only imagine how Tom and Summer were doing on those days.

To be frank, I was highly impressed with “500 Days of Summer.” I thought it was wonderfully constructed and perfectly intriguing. But one of the best aspects of the film for me was the profundity around each corner of the film. This movie gave me a lot to think about – which I find a very rare and delightful quality to a film, especially nowadays where the movie business is more about how much bigger of an explosion they can create, or how much more of a pimped-out car they can bring in, or how much quicker the geeky nerds can devirginize themselves so they can be considered “cool”; that’s all just getting a bit old.

One message that “500 Days” sent was that the dreams that we have never materialize until we make the effort to break from the monotony of what is comfortable. Tom is a greeting card designer who aspires to one day become an architect because it is what he has always wanted to do but never actually follows through with because the dream of attaining his dream job will always be for another day – not today. I believe that is how a lot of us sadly spend our lives, working at dead-end jobs with aspirations of something better, but the fulfillments of those dreams rarely come because it becomes too easy to be complacent and stay in a job that is comfortable than to venture out and take a risk on something you truly want. Therefore the moral is: take risks for the things you want most; if you don’t, you’ll never be living to your full potential. Sometimes our sights are set a little below where they should be – in our jobs, with the people in our lives and with the lives we’ve become comfortable living. In order for Tom to start truly living, he needed to find that his sights were set at a bar far lower than his true capabilities. And sometimes, we get our hearts broken to remind us that our life is meant to be lived and it gives us the motivation to push the reset button and start again brand new.

Another comment that really stood out for me was when the profound narrator says, “Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life.” That is really true. Our lives are really mundane from the day to day, but there are some days that will be unforgettable, ones that we will remember for the rest of our lives – but those days are unbeknownst to us until they occur and when they do, they stay etched into us like a brand for the rest of our lives. But those are the days we live for; those are the days we cherish.

Lastly in the profundity department was the question of soul mates. Now, I’ve heard quite a few opinions on soul mates – one being that the predetermination of two people being meant solely for one another is an absurdity for the naïve, the other being the idealistic/optimistic view that soul mates are very real and two people are predestined for that one other person because when those two hearts unite, the world is a better place because two souls have found their missing piece. Okay so I’m a romantic – I’m one of those “naïve” believers in los gemelos de las almas. I believe, just as Tom does, that life leads you on a journey to find that missing piece. When he first lays eyes on Summer and finds out that they share a mutual appreciation for The Smiths, he believes he’s found the one. Yet, Tom’s wise younger sister reminds him that, “Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate.” Well, the little sister has a point – find something more than just a few quirky traits in common before you declare your undying love as a soul mate (just a tip ;) ).

Throughout the course of Tom and Summer’s relationship, the idea of soul mates is tested, destroyed and revived. I really thought they did an excellent job of constructing the film, sneaking in many thought-provoking, real-life situations and really bringing out the best of the love story. I would highly recommend “500 Days of Summer”; it will make you laugh, make you cry, make you think – just like a good film should.

Whiteout

Who doesn’t love a high-action thriller in the middle of snowy nowhere? Well, that’s what “Whiteout” is in a nutshell. Kate Beckinsale plays Carrie Stetko, a marshal originally from Miami who finds herself doing duty down in the coldest, most crime-free place in the world. It comes as a real surprise when Carrie randomly finds a body in the middle of a quadrant where no one is stationed. Soon thereafter, she finds that the deceased was murdered by a crazy black-jacketed, hooded man with a pick axe that comes after Carrie a time or two.

In the shuffle, Carrie runs into U.N. operative, Robert Pryce, played by Gabriel Macht. Though Pryce is handsome and charming, Carrie can’t help but be leery about Pryce’s untimely arrival following her encounter with the murderer that could have resulted in her death. As the story goes on, the potential suspects dwindle down to a handful of those who Carrie trusts and those who she doesn’t. But, expect the unexpected with action thrillers, right? So, it’s up to you to decide whether Pryce is the nice guy he says he is or if he truly is the killer just out to get the rumored treasure under the ice.

I thought Gabriel Macht did an excellent job in his role. I haven’t seen him act in anything since “Because I Said So” with Mandy Moore and Diane Keaton, which he also did a great job in. I think this guy is an award winner; he’s cute and charismatic and seems to cope well in whatever role they place him in. I was really excited to see him in this film.

Kate Beckinsale also did a wonderful job (as usual). Everything Beckinsale touches turns to gold. Though “Whiteout” wasn’t the best of her blockbuster hits, she still upheld her reputation as being a very diverse actress that can take on a very feminine role or take one on the completely opposite end. I think I like her in more feminine roles personally, but she does play a good tough chick.

I can tell you one thing for sure: “Whiteout” does not serve as an advertising film to take a trip down to Antarctica! Between losing your fingers to frostbite and running through a snow storm away from a greedy lunatic decked out in black, I think this movie sealed the deal on my decision never to go see freezing, desolate Antarctica.

Frankly, the only emotion I had from this movie was indifference. Though the scenery was gorgeous, there were a few intense chase sequences and Kate Beckinsale and Gabriel Macht were in it, but I don’t really know if those facts outweigh the negatives. This movie was extremely predictable, there wasn’t a lot of character attachment and I didn’t really feel satisfied with the outcome of the film. My two cents: wait until DVD to watch this one – because it’s worth a watch, just not worth watching in the theatre.

Inglourious Basterds

Hmm, what to say about the “Inglourious Basterds”? Well, I'd have to say that watching the film was a lot like watching a Broadway show entitled “Nazis on Ice” or “Nazi Hunter Jubilee.” Though the content was heavy, there always seemed to be an eerie comical element present in each disgustingly violent scene. Even though the Bear Jew explicitly bashes Nazis' faces in, and even though the extinguished Nazis are getting their scalps lopped off and even though Brad Pitt wedges his finger into a bleeding flesh wound to cause the utmost amount of pain, the mood is somehow lifted by a triumphant orchestra that completely contradicts the scene. Quite honestly, it's a little weird to see blood spurting from dying soldiers' bodies while accompanied by a melody you could skip and frolic to.

As most of you probably noticed if you watched any advertisements for this film, the notable actor cast in “Inglourious Basterds” is Brad Pitt. I wouldn't exactly say that Pitt was the best casting choice as the gruff “Apache injun” leader of the Inglourious Basterds who is itchin' to kill him some “Natzees,” but he definitely entertained. Though Brad Pitt is a very talented actor and does a great job in whatever role he endeavors, I don't think Lt. Aldo Raine was his role to fill. There are quite a few actors who would have done an excellent job of being the lean, mean Nazi-fighting machine without causing the audience to crack a smile at – what Pitt interpreted on screen as a ridiculously outlandish accent and scrunched-up facial expressions. Yet, I think Quentin Tarantino specifically cast Pitt for comic relief – because he was such an unlikely and flippant character who stuck out like an orange in a pile of grapes.

Another character who does a phenomenal job of being absolutely creepy and insatiably annoying is this ornery little Nazi man – Colonel Hans Landa, played by Christophe Waltz. In every scene you see this weaselly little colonel, you can't help but squirm and feel like you're being interrogated yourself. The colonel is one of the worst Nazis you could even imagine because he's one of those who has a smile eternally plastered on his face while he tells you joyously that you're about to suffer the most immeasurable amount of pain humanly possible. Again, I think Tarantino specifically chose Waltz – and rightfully so – to be this insanely calm psychopath. I have to give props to the sadistic little colonel though, because I loathed him from beginning to end without fail!

Plot-wise, the story was interesting to say the least. Tarantino took a very touchy subject in our history and sort of turned it into an escalated blood fest absurdity. I think anyone who is familiar with Tarantino's work knows to be forewarned about the excessive gore and “Inglourious Basterds” is definitely another nice blood bath trophy to add to his wall of accomplishments.

I don't know if I'm in the minority here, but I really don't enjoy watching body mutilation of any kind. It makes me squeamish and my natural reaction is to hide my eyes from all the pain someone is enduring. Well, I think I saw about a third of this movie through the clutches of slightly-parted fingers, which is by far one of the worst gore movies I've seen in awhile. So, if you don't mind the blood spurting, the guts spilling and the gore overflowing, “Inglourious Basterds” won't bother you at all; but for all of you with a weaker stomach or more accurately – a conscience, you may feel differently and should steer clear.

The 5 Best and Worst of the Summer Flicks

Is it just me or did the summer go by extremely fast? Regardless of the rapidly slipping time of beautiful sunshine-filled, worry-free days being replaced by bustling homework-filled ones, there were quite a few summer blockbusters that were pretty decent; but to be more accurate, most of them were absolute duds. Being the movie buff that I am, I couldn't pass up my weekly movies this summer and several times I even had to do a few repeat visits to the same movie. In going to so many movies, I think I can give a pretty decent opinion on which ones were the top five worst movies and which were the top five best. So, here it goes...

Worst
#5 “The Proposal” - “The Proposal” was definitely more of a flub-up than an award winner. Sandra Bullock seems to have more of an uncanny annoyance about her than a charming wittiness that she used to encompass in her latter movies. Though I must say that her inappropriate butt dance singing “From the windows to the walls...” was definitely entertaining to say the least. You know, I ended up watching this movie three times this summer and each time was no better than the first time I saw it. In fact, I think it got more unbelievable and irritating. Because who really in their right mind would want to marry a control freak who was mean to everyone she met? Yet, even though this made my top five “worst” list, there was a very redeeming quality. Two words: Ryan Reynolds. That is one very fine boy which makes any movie shine just a little brighter.

#4 “I Love You, Beth Cooper” - Okay, I just want to say – for the record – that the stupid high school movie is very overdone. Even though “I Love You, Beth Cooper” did star Hayden Panetierre as Beth Cooper, the awesome cheerleader from “Heroes,” the story line is just so unbelievable. Gorgeous cheerleaders that look like Beth Cooper don't go for geeky guys like the valedictorian in this film. They go for the dumb jocks who look like supermodels; and even though it is nice to think that people can break from the mold of attraction based upon appearances, people rarely do. So the unrealistic aspect of this movie outweighed any of the beneficial messages they were attempting to send.

#3 “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” - I usually love Matthew McGonaughey and Jennifer Garner movies. Being a star-cast, you would think it would be a give-in that the film would be a good one. But that just isn't the case with “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.” Matthew McGonaughey plays Connor Mead, a complete man-whore who happens to sleep with every girl he comes into contact with. And once he has sexually conquered the next woman in his path, he moves on to the next one, emotionally securing his inability to commit to one girl. Yet somewhere along the lines, he somewhat falls in love with his childhood sweetheart Jenny who just watches Connor sleep with multiple women. It is the typical Ebeneezer Scrooge scenario where Connor Mead has a total change of heart and wants to be in love and committed to only one woman, which conveniently happens to be Jenny who has always had a thing for him. But really, what woman in her right mind would forgive a guy who has hurt her and let her down at every turn, probably has picked up a few diseases and has slept with so many woman that she probably couldn't count that high if she tried? Quite frankly, guys like that don't deserve nice girls like Jenny. There was a nice guy alternative – and to tell you the truth, I was rooting for him to win Jenny's heart, not Connor Mead.

#2 “Year One” - So, “Year One” did have it's entertaining parts for sure, but it had an overwhelming amount of inappropriately interpreted biblical scenes which got its ranking as the second-worst movie of the summer in my book. Though Jack Black and Michael Cera are hilarious, their entertainment abilities could only go so far. The depiction of Cain murdering Abel, Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac and the happenings in Gomorrah were not only inappropriate but rudely constructed and probably offended the majority of the Christian community. These unbelievably rude scenes were endless and completely ruined the potential of what looked to be a pretty decent film by the advertisements.

#1 “Funny People” - This movie was BY FAR one of THE WORST movies I have ever seen, not just for the summer, but in my entire life. This movie was in NO way funny and anyone who thought so should get their head checked. Adam Sandler is this has-been comedian who finds out he's going to die, so he's really depressed and pulls everyone down with him. If you haven't got your fix of disgusting jokes, inappropriate insinuations and gross sexual innuendos, then I guess “Funny People” would be one you'd want to see. But really, this movie was so awful that it seemed to drag on and on; it felt as if it was going at a pace correlative to someone with a fifty pound weight tied to each ankle as they try to drudge through a mile-long mud pit. I was ready to leave within five minutes, so two and half hours was just torture.

Best
#5 “X-Men: Wolverine” - It seems like the comic book movies seem to be getting better and better. I really enjoyed watching the life of Wolverine prior to the first X-Men unfold and explain why Logan is the way he is. The film was action-packed, gave an inside look into how the love of his life impacted his demeanor, showed how Logan came to be named Wolverine, introduced Sabertooth for future X-Men films, and also had sexy Ryan Reynolds in it. Just kidding; that was a plus though. The only part I disliked was the fact that it was so over the top; there is no way that someone could sail through the sky at a helicopter and prevail. But overall, “X-Men: Wolverine” exceeded expectations.

#4 “Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince” - Ever since the production of the third Harry Potter film, it seems like this series has become a knock-out blockbuster hit (especially considering the turn out for the first showing – you know, the hundreds of people lined up outside the theatre hours prior, perhaps even spending an entire night camped out, just to see the first showing). “Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince” was no exception. The sixth installment was comical, light-hearted, intense and overall just very well done. Having read the books prior to watching the movies, I would have to say that the producers of the Harry Potter films do an excellent job of capturing how I imagine J.K. Rowling intended her story to unfold.

#3 “G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra” - Though I am no G.I. Joe expert and I did not play with the little soldier figurines as a kid, I've been told that the title for this film did not fit with the film itself. I would agree, I don't really think there were many similarities enough to slap the “G.I Joe” title on this movie other than the fact that these guys were soldiers and they had cool outfits. Perhaps it should have just been called “Rise of the Cobra.” But other than that fact, this film was action-packed and really fast-paced. The special effects were amazing and Channing Tatum was definitely worth the watch!

#2 “Star Trek” - Okay, so I am no trekkie. My mom is, but I've never been a fan of the outer space films and series (i.e. “Star Wars,” “Star Trek”). But I really have to make an exception for the new “Star Trek” movie by saying that it's definitely not a nerd fest. The special effects, the graphics, and the story line was just amazing. The cast seemed perfectly selected and was all-around just a great film. If the Star Trek show looked as good as the “Star Trek” film did, I would have been a trekkie a long time ago!

#1 “The Perfect Getaway” - It's rare to completely “wow” me with a movie, but “The Perfect Getaway” definitely knocked my socks off! I haven't seen a movie that spectacular in a very long time. Steve Zahn and Timothy Olyphant steal the show with their fantastic acting skills. And this movie is just such a mind trip! There were three couples which you couldn't quite trust and didn't know whether what they were saying was the truth or whether they were spouting lies in order to hide their murderous tendencies. There was such a great ending twist that it was a great mind refresher. There was no better movie than “The Perfect Getaway” to get the #1 position as best movie for the summer. Fantastic!

So there you have it: the top 5 worst and best movies of the summer. If you haven't yet seen the #1 film, “The Perfect Getaway,” I would advise you to get over to the theatre before it goes out!